(photo kaeberleinlab.org)

The soul’s dark cottage, battered and decayed,
lets in new light through chinks that time hath made.
~Edmund Waller

I recently attended a presentation by HR Moody to the Oregon Gerontological Association on Shaping the Future of Gerontology: Education, Inquiry, and Practice. Dr. Moody portrayed two possible scenarios for the future of aging: The first was dismal, focused on disease and decline—the second, hopeful emphasizing human potential and growth. His role play was humorous; yet tempered with the burden of insight.

No one today speaks to this dichotomy of aging with a clearer voice than HR Moody. His treatment of Erickson’s 8^th and final stage of psychosocial development—Maturity (from 65 to death), was the take-home message for me: That the pursuit of eternal youth may be soul eroding.

In summary below is Dr. Moody’s message captured by the idea of “no-bodyness.”

NARCISSISM
by HR Moody

    Heard the one about the story of the Narcissist who says, 
“Well, enough about me. Let’s talk about you.  What do you think of me?”

    We see these things about other people but, alas, not always
about ourselves.  For example, I used to work for the Robert Wood 
Johnson Foundation, where my job was giving away other people’s money.  
It turned out I was suddenly very popular. Then one day I left 
the Foundation.  Very quickly, people stopped returning my phone 
calls. No one was more surprised than me.  (What had I missed?)

    The problem of narcissism only increases with age, because aging,
in so many ways, is a narcissistic wound.  We lose social roles,
the body begins to fail us, we don’t even look like ourselves any
more. What to do about it all?

   There are two paths.  One path waits for that phone call, looks 
for plastic surgery, and plunges into new activities, hoping to 
deny the obvious. Over and over again, we “keep busy” often asking, 
in essence, “What do you think of me?”  

    The other path lies in “the road less traveled,” which is the 
journey toward inwardness and detachment: as Ram Dass put it,
“becoming a nobody.”

   The problem of narcissism is that this enemy is invisible, like
carbon monoxide gas that kills you and you don’t even know it’s there. 
To struggle against narcissism is not easy.

   Ram Dass suggested that the real school for aging is the school
of nobody-ness, of consciously learning to become a nobody:

    “I’m nobody. Who are you?
     Are you nobody too?”

   (Emily Dickinson)

Part of our problem is that we live in a culture that 
celebrates “self-esteem” at every turn, from childhood on up.  
We all want to be famous (even if just on Facebook).

For a useful analysis of this problem see THE NARCISSISM EPIDEMIC: 
Living in the Age of Entitlement, by Jean Twenge and W. Keith 
Campbell (Free Press, 2009) and of course Christopher Lasch’s 
classic THE CULTURE OF NARCISSIM.

See:

For more on HR Moody

Link for Narcissist

On Ram Dass

(photo FOUND sf)

When the truth is found to be lies and all the joy within you dies don’t you want somebody to love don’t you need somebody to love…

 -Jefferson Airplane, 1967

I was reading a story about 91 year old, Jean Stevens from Wyalusing, Pennsylvania, who had been aging in place with her husband of 60 years,  along with her twin sister June. Nothing unusual here, except for the fact that her loved ones are both deceased.

Husband James’s corpse was exhumed shortly after his funeral and strategically settled on the couch in the garage; where it has remained for over a decade. Her twin sister June, who died last October, resided in the spare bedroom dressed in her best house-coat; doused in her favorite perfume.

When authorities uncovered the morbid “living arrangements,” Jean Stevens calmly reported: “When you put them in the cemetery, that’s good-by…” Seems Jean wasn’t ready to let go.

Aging in Place Alone, Single, and Female

Single women find particular harbor in CoHousing. -Senior CoHousing: A Community Approach to Independent Living by Charles Durrett, 2005, P. 187

The population 65 and over has increased from 35 million in 2000 to 40 million in 2010 (a 15% increase) and will then increase to 55 million in 2020 (a 36% increase for that decade).

The 85+ population saw an increase from 4.2 million in 2000 to 5.7 million in 2010 (a 36% increase) and is projected to 6.6 million in 2020 (a 15% increase for that decade).

Over half (54.6%) the older noninstitutionalized persons lived with their spouse in 2008. Approximately 11.3 million or 72.0% of older men, and 8.6 million or 41.7% of older women, lived with their spouse. The proportion living with their spouse decreased with age, especially for women. Only 28.9% of women 75+ years old lived with a spouse.

About 30.5% (11.2 million) of all noninstitutionalized older persons in 2008 lived alone (8.3 million women, 2.9 million men). They represented 39.5 of older women and 18.5% of older men. The proportion living alone increases with advanced age. Among women aged 75 and over, for example, half (50%) lived alone.

Senior CoHousing: Recreating a Sense of Place and Home

Some years ago I lost my husband and went through a difficult time. But I am glad that I lived here when it happened since it meant that I never felt unsafe. I was not together with other residents all the time but I knew they were there for me if I needed them. And when I came home at night I could feel the warmth approach me as I drove up our driveway.

 -Mollebjerg in Korsor p.3

Like many others seeking solutions to challenges facing elderly family members, architect Charles Durrett found an old idea—with a contemporary approach; he coined it “CoHousing.”

Durrett challenges us to Imagine living in multiple individually owned housing units (20-30) which are oriented around a common/community open area. A place where community is a lifestyle and recreating an old-fashioned neighborhood which supports cooperation and socialization is reality—that’s his vision for senior CoHousing.

CoHousing has been prevalent in Europe and is catching on in America.  As of 2005, there were 100 of these existing communities in the country, about  20 under construction, with approximately 150 more in the planning stages.

Six Components of CoHousing

From urban factory loft conversions to suburban cities and small towns, CoHousing takes many forms—yet shares these six components:

1. Participatory Process: Residents organize and participate in the planning/design process for housing development—and are responsible as a group for final decisions.

2. Deliberate Neighborhood Design: The physical design encourages a strong sense of community.

3. Extensive Common Facilities: An integral part of the community, common areas are designed for daily use, to supplement private living areas.

4. Complete Resident Management: Residents manage the development, making decisions of common concerns at community meetings.

5. Non-Hierarchal Structure: There are not really leadership roles; the responsibility for the decisions is shared by the community’s adults.

6. Separate Income Sources: If the community provides residents with their primary income, this is a significant change to the dynamic between neighbors and defines another level of community beyond the scope of CoHousing.

CoHousing is an emerging alternative to traditional senior housing which can provide the best of both worlds; independence for aging in place, and community/socialization on demand.

No need to dig up deceased relatives when you’re feeling a little lonely; just stroll into the common space and join the conversation…

From a public policy perspective, the preventive value of a CoHousing community, which reduces isolation, encourages social activity, and supports members through illness or bereavement, is inestimable.

 –Maria Brenton p. 196

See:

Mourning the Death of a Spouse

frogsong CoHousing, Cotati, CA 

Silver Age CoHousing, Boulder CO   

New Urbanism in Boulder, CO

Sustainable CoHousing Communities 

Rick Harry Moody on CoHousing 

Senior Cohousing: A Community Approach to Independent Living by Charles Durrett

The Dead Economy Redefines Retirement for Baby Boomers

(photo www.pinewswire.net)

One of the many lessons that one learns in prison is, that things are what they are and will be what they will be.

-Oscar Wilde

My friend and colleague, Emory Baldwin AIA, sent this thought-provoking piece his father shared with him; after contemplating the merits of institutional living. This will get you thinking about how society treats its “interned.”

Subject: Jail vs. Nursing Home

Food for thought:

Let’s put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies,
and walks, they’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental
and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. and they’d receive money instead of
paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be
helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be
ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals
and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that
purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool,
and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.’s and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a P.C. a T.V. radio, and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors, to hear complaints, and the guards
would have a code of conduct, that would be strictly adhered to.

The “criminals” would get cold food, be left all alone, and unsupervised.
lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.
Live in a tiny room, and pay $5000.00 per month and have no hope
of ever getting out.

Justice for all.

See:

Fault Lines:

Elderly in Prison part 1

Elderly in Prison part 2

ReThinking Nursing Home Design

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.

-Sophia Loren

In our culture “successful aging” really means no aging at all; which at its deepest-root is the denial of death. Rowe & Kahn wrote an accessible book about the topic based on the MacArthur Foundation Study, with the same title (Successful Aging, 1998).

The authors defined successful aging as having 3 components:

1. Avoiding disease

2. Maintaining high cognitive and physical function

3. Engagement with life

Successful Aging or the Imitation of Youth?

The concept of successful aging in popular culture, as well as in many areas of gerontology, has been linked with stability and continuity—that is, things don’t change. Midlife values, activity patterns, and expectations are erroneously carried into old age. This denies the very meaning and character of old age and sets this unique time of life up for failure and disappointment when expectations aren’t met.

Successful aging isn’t built on immortality; George Benard Shaw’s advice to the young was “do not try to live forever—you will not succeed.” And psychologist Carol Ryff noted that when Ponce de Leon went in search for the fountain of youth, he missed the point! Successful aging means aging well—which is different from not aging at all.

 2 Factors Predict 80% of Longevity Survivors

Your biography becomes your biology and the authors found 2 key factors predicting 80% of longevity survivors (living >65):

1. Nonsmoker

2. The degree of complexity involving choice in your daily behavior

The longer I live the more convinced I become of the essential nature of active engagement with life and a certain degree of complexity in daily behavior in old age. Clinically I witnessed elders who take on “sick careers” exchanging midlife tasks (i.e. raising kids and career), for hospital visits, trips to the pharmacy and the occasional acute hospital admissions; not to mention complaining to anyone in earshot about the ailments of aging. Disease and decline become the focus and now provide “purpose and meaning.”

Aging well within one’s age doesn’t deny the realities of old age (no happy gerontology here); instead an external focus on a purpose larger than oneself with right intention will go a long way towards aging successfully.

Here’s an inspiring example of “successful aging” (see video): P.E.T. Project

Also see:

The Purpose Project

Successful Aging (1998) by John W. Rowe, M.D., and Robert L. Kahn, Ph.D.

(photo yellowcard.com)

The years teach much which the days never knew. 

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Stanley Sime passed away at the age of 90, his obituary noted he loved growing flowers and vegetables and sharing them with others. He was also involved in Habitat for Humanity and enjoyed spending time in his woodworking shop.

I first knew Stanley as the man who drove the BIG yellow school bus past my home each night after delivering the children safely to their mothers. He never failed to greet me with a smile and wave as the empty bus rattled by.

I recall thinking at the time how special it was that this man with such a responsible job (driving the BIG yellow bus) would make the effort to wave to me—a small kid playing on the sidewalk…I looked forward to his gesture each afternoon, and even anticipated it; as if somehow this made me more important.

Kris’s Father

Years later I would get to know Stanley as the father of Kris; a close friend and teammate. Mr. Sime was among the faithful in the stands and on the sideline—rain or shine, he’d be there to cheer us on. His presence would always inspire me to play more intently and give an extra effort.

As time passed and we reached the age of driving, Mr. Sime’s cherry red Jeep Cherokee became an object of desire—and occasionally, our passport to a night of freedom. The vehicle, like the small modest home he built and the manicured yard, was impeccably tidy.

My conversations with Kris’s father were limited and narrowly focused around athletics. He was not a gregarious man as I recall, preferring to stand back, observe, and to listen.

Over time as I matured into a young man, I witnessed his Friar Tuck hair go from brown to silver-gray; seemingly overnight.  

Mr. Sime the Solider

Never once did Mr. Sime (a native of South Dakota) mention he was in the U.S. Army and in 1942 served in Tunisia, Sicily, Normandy, Northern France, Rhineland, Ardennes, Central Europe—nor did he ever let on that while fighting in the Mediterranean theater in 1943 he was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.  

Perhaps this is why his generation is called the “Silent Generation,” he never shared a story, an experience, or boasted about foreign travel…I found out only recently from his son Kris, that his dad seldom talked about his military experiences with family; wishing to spare them the horrors of war.

It’s too late to thank Stanley for his service, or for showing up to our games, or for letting us borrow his Jeep Cherokee—or for making me feel important as a child.

His obituary taught me that he was a war hero before he was a school bus driver, and reminded me  how fortunate I was to know him.

See:

Stanley Lester Sime

The Purple Heart

(photo: wings.avkids.com)

“Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever.”

 -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I was handed a sympathy card the other day and informed about the death of a coworker’s parent; then asked to write something.

Most of us have had this experience; all the “usual” comments have already been written as you search for a spot to add yours. You’re left with the choice of emotional-plagiarism (“thinking of you at this time”) or struggling to find meaningful words to express the loss. For me it’s challenging, death is so final; much easier to sign birthday cards. 

Final Acts

On occasion in the ICU/CCU during quiet moments, patients would ask me why they were still alive. My answer was always part science; I’d describe the medical measures taken to stabilize the body—and part philosophical; I’d also explain whatever it is that they are supposed to do in life wasn’t done yet.

This latter point was also the dominate theme at the American Society on Aging conference this year, and dovetailed with AARP’s messaging about Awakening human potential in the second half of life, or the well worn: “Don’t die with your music still in you.”

Doing the Work

“Charles” is a front-end boomer who was in the Marines as a young man, studied Eastern Philosophy for years, is a part-time carpenter—part-time writer, and captivating story-teller.

He invests much of his time in coffee shops engaging in social intercourse—so much so, he expressed concern about not writing enough. The conversation took on the theme of doing the work.

Not offering advice, I informed him that the gods have entrusted him with the gift of story telling—and to not corral them into written form would be the sin he would have to atone for in the end.

His solution was to employ a new coffee shop several times a week to do the work. If I had to bet, Charles will re-create his old setting–it’s in his DNA. Meanwhile, the gods will be frustrated…but redemption is always possible.

 Is there something you’ve left undone? 

 It’s never too late to become what you might have been.

 See:

Not Dead Yet (the movie)

Author (88) releases first novel

 Art of Aging video

 When I grow up

The Twilight Wish Foundation 

(photo blog.silive.com)

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.

-Raymond Lindquist

My wife and I have been considering moving to a new city across the river. We’ve been investing weekends in the new neighborhood; making the emotional move before the physical one.

We fell in love with the location of a 1922 classic home described as having; beautiful oak floor entry and French doors. The outside of the house was lovely and stirred the fire of our desires…We wanted that house in the worst way (pay full-price worst way).

Trojan Horse (or House)

The Trojan horse has become synonyms with being fooled by appearances. The Greeks attacked Troy for ten years and failed to penetrate the city’s defenses. Employing a new strategy, they pretended to retreat—leaving behind a huge wooden horse (filled with Greek heroes). The Trojans, despite warnings, were so enticed by the structure that they moved the horse inside the city as a war trophy.

The following night, the Greeks exited the wooden horse and attacked the unsuspecting-celebrating Trojans—Troy was finally conquered from within.

The mistake the Trojans made was in not knowing what perils lie just beyond the provocative wooden surface…

Once inside this “Classic” home we quickly assessed the issues that lie in-wait for the next buyer—the house was a money pit. Luckily we weren’t unsuspecting and celebrating, in fact, we sobered up real quick.

Letting Go of the Familiar

Viewing our home through the filter of a prospective buyer, I was going over all the “selling points” on a run today. I began to realize how much there is to lose by moving; central location to shops, park at the end of the block, Starbucks within walking distance, golf course near by, Trader Joes and 24hr Fitness down the street, mint move-in condition, great neighbors who are friends (and have keys to the house) and on and on… 

Moving the Elderly 

With moving comes the tendency to think about the known losses and the memories. This can make the task daunting at any age—even more so for the elderly who have had a longer time to create history in one location.

To make the transition easier many companies now offer senior move managers who specialize in moving older adults. These professionals have backgrounds in gerontology, nursing, social work, and psychology. And understand the emotional, physical, and spiritual elements unique to relocating seniors. With catchy names like helpinghandsontheway.com in Northbrook, Illinois whose mission statement says:

“It is our purpose and privilege in helping our clients to seek relief through simplifying and repurposing their possessions and home.”

And gentletransitions.com out of the Minneapolis-St. Paul, Twin Cities area who boasts:

“Nationally regarded pioneer in the delicate act of senior move management.”

Or my favorite: Smooth Mooove Senior Relocation Services from Stone Mountain, Georgia. President and CEO, Adrienne Simpson started the company after a frustrating experience with moving an elderly family member.

Senior Relocation Services

Senior Move Specialists are licensed with organizations such as the National Association of Senior Move Managers who can help with the seemingly overwhelming list of things to do:

• Develop a moving plan
• Sort personal belongings to keep, sell, and or donate
• Pack belongings
• Hire and supervise movers
• Help plan the new space with universal design for aging in place
• Unpack and get settled in new space
• Manage the sell of the old home
• Clean, un-clutter and remove/dispose of waste
• Or help with aging in place rather than moving

It’s my contention that moving every 7 years is good for the soul. When you have to put your hands on all your worldly possessions at least twice, it forces one to “seek relief through simplifying and repurposing their possessions and home”–and how!

See: 

Senior Move Manager can be reached at 877-606-2766.

Senior RealEstate Specialists (SRES) 

 Washington Post: Making it

(photo chatterbox.typepad.com)

The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.

-Frank Lloyd Wright

I once wrote that inspiration is like rain, it falls on everyone; some shield themselves with an umbrella, failing to take heed; still others run in doors, avoidance all together—then there are those who walk freely amongst the pour, sensing every drop and giving reverence. 

The word “inspiration” comes from the ancients who believed that a breath of divinity is received from the gods by some deserving soul. The key word here is, “deserving.”

Diane and Jay Plesset are just such deserving souls, as they were chosen by the gods one fateful day in November, 1999. On a trip from the Bay Area to Portland; to be with her mother who had undergone emergency bypass surgery, Diane came upon a small ad in an airline magazine that would change the course of their lives—and save an iconic structure for history.

Airline Magazine Ad: Gordon House For Sale 

Occupied with the thoughts of her mother, Diane picked up an in-flight magazine; perusing it she discovered an ad for the sale of the Gordon House in Oregon. A lifetime fan of Frank Lloyd Wright, Diane tore out the ad and tucked it away in her purse—at that moment, like lightening to the rod, the gods had planted the seed of desire.

Author Robert Grudin noted that to be inspired is to surrender one’s mind to a new force, heedless and powerful—abandoning oneself to an irresistible flow, like a canoeist drawn into the main channel of a rapid.

The Journey

Within several weeks Diane had made contact with officials and traveled back to see the Gordon House in Oregon. Doing their research the Plessets found the Gordon House and property had been sold to a couple who planned to tear down the iconic structure and rebuild on the property.

Over the course of the next year came an endless litany of calls to concerned parties, meeting with attorneys, county commissioner’s hearings with standing room only, petitions, and input from around the world on what the Gordon House fate should be.  

Finally, in early December of 2000, an arrangement was made with the Frank Lloyd Wright Building Conservancy to purchase the Gordon House for $1 in exchange for tax credit from the State of Oregon.

Diane and Jay were given the right of first refusal to buy because of their efforts in trying to save the house from demolition.

The Evergreen House: “Do you think it’s time for plan B?”

Passing through the front-door threshold of the Evergreen Home is literally stepping into someone else’s dream…

The Frank Lloyd Wright inspired home of the Plessets is not a dream denied—rather it is what the gods entrusted (win-win solution) and intended all along.

With deadlines approaching and impenetrable restrictions by the FLWBC, the original goal of buying the Gordon House, moving it to a purchased lot and living happily ever after became out of reach…Jay asked Diane: “Do you think it’s time for plan B?”

Diane says, “After many fortunate experiences, and numerous challenges, “Evergreen” was finally completed on a site in Oregon City, Oregon, in October, 2007, which is only 25 miles from the Gordon House, now located in the Oregon Garden, in Silverton.”  

Aging in Place: Award Winning Design

On January 31, 2009, “Evergreen” won the Home Builders Association Excellence Award for Best New Home in its Category. The home is built with aging in place/universal design, and sustainable design features; because the Plessets want this dream to last. And they know great things have no fear of time…

See 

The Gordon House

The Oregon Garden

The Evergreen Home

The Survival Guide: Home Remodeling by Diane Plesset, CMKBD, NCIDQ #13029, C.A.P.S.

1957 Interview of Frank Lloyd Wright

Silverton, Oregon

Frank Lloyd Wright designed this home for Conrad and Evelyn Gordon for their farm on the Willamette River in Wilsonville, Oregon. The ‘T’ shaped home was constructed in 1963 primarily using concrete block solid wall sections, heated and colored concrete floors, cedar and glass. The house is the only building designed by the famed architect in Oregon and is of significant importance. With the sale of the property in 2000 and the purposed demolition of the house, it became necessary to salvage and move the structure.

The project involved determining the best strategies for salvage, moving, reconstruction within a very short time line and coordinating work with an assembled group of assisting professionals. Many portions of the building were able to be preserved intact. Other elements were preserved and fitted to new construction that was built to match the original. Some updating was unobtrusively installed including floor heating, electrical, security, insulation and seismic reinforcement. The house was moved to the Oregon Garden and sited in a similar manner as the original. The house is now open to the public as a resource to be enjoyed by all.

                 (photo obviousmag.org)

You never know what is enough, until you know what is more than enough.

-William Blake, Proverbs of Hell

The other morning I went to the cupboard for some cereal and found two boxes, each containing less than 1/3 of the original contents; the boxes were taking up scarce shelf space.

Next, the UPS delivery guy arrived with a package large enough to house several pounds of French roast: Yet the box was feather light (?).

Opening the box I discovered two titanium “sporks” which I had ordered for backpacking; each packaged side-by-side like a “spooning” couple. They appeared hurriedly wrapped in brown paper and stuffed into a box four times the size needed.

This got me thinking about Space Utilization…

Seniors Over-Housed

Across the country seniors find themselves still living in suburbia in four-bedroom houses where they once raised families. Many of the homes have maintance issues and access to shopping, recreation, and health care centers are a challenge if they no longer drive. They may also be keeping younger people from acquiring suitable homes for raising growing families.

A past article from the Wall Street Journal describes how aging in place keep houses off the market. Real-estate broker Adrienne Chadwin in Larchmont, N.Y., north of New York City, reports in her area less than 10 homes are added to the market each week, even though the district has more than a hundred families waiting to buy. “Older people are supposed to be leaving these big houses, and one would expect that in this high-priced market, where sellers are calling the shots, they’d be doing it, but for some reason they’re not,” she says.

The article quotes a Mr. Veneziano (baby boomer) as an example, who prefers aging in place to moving. He likes being able to walk to his son’s house, and  besides, economics argues against a move. Although he could make plenty of money selling his house — he bought it for a price “in the low” $20,000s and now it is appraised at about $350,000 — home values have soared so much he feels it would be hard to find anything comparable for a decent price. Considering the advantages of staying put, he asks, “Where am I going to move to?”

FabCab = Fabulous Cabin

Award winning architect Emory Baldwin may have an answer for Mr. Veneziano (and others like him) which he would have never even considered—and it might be more than enough for his needs.

FabCabs are pre-fabricated environmentally-friendly accessory dwelling units (granny-flats) made for aging in place. These small homes are beautiful, low maintance, energy efficient and universally designed to respond to people’s changing needs. The FabCab is the kind of innovative design which opens up all kinds of solutions in response to the question:

“Where am I going to move to?”

Think of the possibilities…

See:

FabCab

Seniors Sell Large Home and Gain New Life Style  

Top 10 Mistakes Made When Designing Small Spaces