The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides, and gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, we shall have discovered fire.

-Teilhard De Chardin

An old Proverb states that true love never grows old; I got some evidence of that in the gym today. My facility is what was once called an “iron gym,” the kind of place where you heard loud grunts and the pungent odor of stale socks lingered in the air like thick LA smog. And you can still see a guy in short-shorts warming up doing “jumping-jacks.”

The facility is the oldest of its kind in Portland boasting an opening day in 1948. “Jim” is one of its early members (started in 1952) and continues to workout weekly. His black & white images as a randy-young-muscle-bound lad adorn the walls. My first day I was supine on the bench centering myself for a bench press when I noticed this elderly man leaning over me; he jokingly said “would you like me to put some weight on there son?” That was 6 years ago and we have been friends ever since.

“Jim” had lost his wife to the long good-by of Alzheimer’s several years ago. The strain took its toll on him and I still remember his first birthday without her after a lifetime of being together. He spent it in the gym around his friends; we got a cake and sang happy 85th birthday among the free weights.

Last week he reminded me he was 88, and that there was more to life than just working out. This week I was given a clue to what he may have meant by that—seems his first sweetheart has recently been in contact. She wanted to call years after her husband died, but was afraid a woman might answer the phone. She then read of the passing of “Jim’s” wife and after a tincture of time the call was made.

She’s 83, likes to bowl and talks on the phone a lot…he tells me with a smile.

The Sex-Ratio
Statistics from the US Bureau of Census reveal gender differences in how we age and who lives longest. No surprise it’s women:
AGE –#W –#M
65-69- 100- 81 (between 65-69; for every 100 women there is 81 men)
75-79- 100- 64
85-89- 100- 42

When speaking on this issue I tell the guys in the crowd given these numbers, if they keep their shelf-life up their dance card will always be filled!!

The sex-ratio reveals some key issues especially for women:
Women live longer (the majority over 85 is women) and because of this longevity they end up in institutional care settings more often than men.
Elderly in nursing homes:
<65 = 0.1% >85 = 22.1%

There are a number of contributing factors, but 2 major ones are:

1) Spend-down: Savings are used up in sick-care expenditures by the ill spouse.

2) Informal care: Lack of family &amp; friends to care for the aging female.

“Most elderly males have informal care, most elderly females do not.”
-Cynthia M. Taeuber

Love
“Love is when each person is more concerned for the other than for one’s self.”
–David Frost

Back to love on Valentine’s Day…
On February 14th we think of the romantic kind of love the Greeks termed “Eros.” The sizzling passionate romance that sells product—it’s really life-seeking-after-itself.
The ancients also had another word for love; “Agape” which essence is self-sacrifice. This is the kind of love that desires all that is life-affirming for the loved one.

A message to the “seasoned” men on this day—flowers, dinner and a card are lovely gestures but may I suggest 2 vows of agape love to your significant other:

1) Live a wellness lifestyle so you can be around as long as possible. It’s hard to be happy without your health, compress morbidity; that is, die young as late in life as possible. Prevent spend down for those who will be living.

2) Leave a legacy of remaining home by choice for your spouse. Start now with aging in place home modifications. You’ll improve the quality of your lives together and increase her chances of remaining in the home where you’ve created loving memories.

I’m really looking forward to hearing about “Jim’s” first date; after all there is more to life than just working out.

 

See

Wellness: SilverSneakers
For Certified Aging-in-Place Specialist near you: NAHB
 Late Life Love by Connie Goldman

Note: The name “Jim” was used for confidentiality.